The full name of this pasta sauce is actually “The Single Best Pasta Sauce Ever to Exist on the Planet Since the Beginning of Time.” When I jar it and sell it and make millions, I will probably change the name to something that better fits on a label. And at that point, I will copyright the recipe and hoard my millions like Scrooge McDuck and swim in a vault filled with gold coins.

Or I will go all Tesla on you and share the wealth.

I have been known to ambitiously over-buy greens. And I hate when they go bad. I’ll fill my basket with greens when I shop, but we struggle to eat them fast enough. I absolutely abhor wilted greens in a salad, but I don’t want to waste them. This sauce is a terrific medium for the greens that are just a little too wilty.

This sauce is a heavily-bastardized version of pesto, but I departed from it in some pretty crucial ways. Traditional pesto contains parmesan cheese, pine nuts, garlic, olive oil, salt, and basil. This sauce, “TSBPSETEOTPSTBOT,” does not contain any nuts (allergic) or any parmesan (vegan). All measurements are approximate; substitution and alteration is encouraged.



This is a great way to ingest a ton of raw greens, along with hemp seeds (a complete protein), and nutritional yeast (B12).


4-6 cups of greens– I like to throw in fresh herbs if I have them (I will caution against mint– it was weird). Basil is obviously a classic. I have also used kale, spinach, arugula, and swiss chard.

5 cloves of garlic– garlic is good for you and delicious, I don’t care about being smelly

juice from 1/2 a lemon

3 tablespoons of hemp hearts

1 tablespoon of nutritional yeast

salt and pepper to taste

olive oil


Blend all ingredients, drizzling oil as they blend until the mixture is a thick, smooth sauce. Serve over cooked gluten-free pasta (always check GF pastas for eggs!) Serve over spiralized zucchini for a delicious raw food experience!

2 thoughts on “The Single Best Pasta Sauce Ever

  1. I love the full name, please dont shorten it ever, at any point in time, in all the history of this planet, forever and ever amen. Also, get a juicer for all those overly ambitious greens that are going bad in your fridge 🙂 i have a “juice me” container for my near death veggies.

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